Double Blind Experiments in Dating

Hypothesis (prediction before the date): This guy has in no way been shy about the fact that he likes me. He’s gone so far as to say he thinks we have chemistry. Yes, chemistry, based on messages sent via IwillMarryTheNextPersonWhoSeemsMildlyInterested.com. He offered to take me wine tasting hours away from here, or to my absolute most favorite geeky science museum, but I couldn’t see myself spending more than two hours with this guy without feeling completely smothered.

Materials (the guy, the place, any other variables):

•  He also works in the wine industry, like so many guys I seem to be matched with. He’s fluent in Spanish, as am I, and this is allegedly the first date he is going on since he signed up for HowAmITheOnlySinglePersonIKnow.com
• We’re going to a place around the corner from my house where a certain Ben Stiller movie was filmed. Or rather, one scene was filmed there…

Procedures (omg what happened???): Wow, I didn’t know someone could be that enamored with me after talking online a few times. I think he’s just a really passionate person, which I can relate to, but his excitement for me was a little overwhelming. Like, why are you all starry-eyed on the FIRST DATE? Can you calm down a bit please, cos you’re making me nervous… The tool was also uncomfortably awkward and optimistic, but not to this degree.

First, this Subject showed up dressed much nicer than I would have expected with – get this – a single red rose. WHO DOES THAT??? He insisted on impressing me with a really expensive wine (and by really expensive I mean $60 instead of the usual $30), then proceeded to all but grill me on my personal life, like it’s a job interview or something, but with a twinkle in his eye and a grin from ear to ear. It was like he was interviewing me to be his wife. SO STRANGE.

Let me take a break for a second and talk about the food, because I’m getting overwhelmed again just thinking about it. The food was marvelous. Everything was fresh and local, though I can say some of the flavors were a little overpowering. But the dessert (yes, he insisted that we share dessert and even tried to SPOON FEED ME. Who the hell do you think you are, sir?!) the dessert was heaven. I’ve never had a better cheesecake in my life. It was mascarpone, crustless and drizzled with caramel and sprinkled with candied walnuts. I fell in love that night, but it was not with the Subject. I will be going back to that restaurant EVERY TIME I want dessert from now on. Note it.

Oh, he asked me about other dates I’ve been on via HowAmINotMarriedYet.com. I ask you this, why would you EVER ask about previous dating experiences on a first date with someone, outside the “What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on” getting-to-know-you question?? (Which, BTW, is STILL kinda awkward.) And of course I couldn’t bust out my card and say Well actually my name is Dr. Jane and I conduct experiments with online dating by going out with anyone and everyone who asks, and then I write a blog about it. So I danced around most of his questions because I’m a terrible liar. I think he sensed I was uncomfortable talking about it, because he said “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by talking about it.” I assured him it was no big deal (lie) and that I’d only been on two dates before (lie) and that I think the whole online thing in general is abundantly awkward (truth).

This was the first guy who actually sort of awkwardly leaned in to kiss me. I’m not sure what made him think that was appropriate, since NONE of my body language indicated that such a gesture would be welcomed with anything but the backstep and hand in the face with which it was met. He of course apologized, but I’m hoping that put a hitch in his step towards the wedding aisle.

Results (the good, the bad, and the ugly): Ladies, this is what I was talking about when I said there are people who are online just to find someone to marry because they think it’s the right time/ the next step/ in fashion this season. He wants a wife, and he wants her yesterday. I know a few people I could set him up with, come to think of it… No, Dr. Jane! You are not a matchmaker. You are a dating experimenter. One profession at a time!

Conclusion (overall rating): The restaurant (especially that cheesecake!) immediately shoots this above the 5 rating. The rose is pretty and sitting in my living room next to my xmas tree, so that’s a point. I’d take away points because he was so emotionally aggressive and for the kiss attempt, but that wouldn’t be fair to the rose and the cheesecake. (Seriously, I had dreams about that cheesecake.) So We’ll call it a 5 and leave it at that.