Double Blind Experiments in Dating

Hypothesis (prediction before the date): Well his profile looks a bit like Stalin. Or Lenin. Or this guy:

But I don’t think he’s Russian or angry. We haven’t talked too much yet, so I don’t have a lot to go on. Should be interesting!

Materials (the guy, the place, any other variables):

• Turns out he used to be in real estate, then the market tanked. So he went into something to do with marketing and demographics. But hated it. So now he’s back in commercial real estate.
• He suggested Pete’s coffee out in BFE, and I politely said KEEP DREAMING. My best friend raves about this other coffee place that has approximately zero locations anywhere near myself or my regular commutes, so I’m venturing every so slightly outside my comfort zone to go see this Subject

Procedures (omg what happened???): Can I see myself ever dating this guy? No. He’s really cute, easy to get along with (kinda scrawny), and super nice. Can I see myself becoming a business partner with this man? Absofreakinglutely!

Seriously people, this Subject is bidness-oriented like whoa. I didn’t feel like I was on a job interview, so much I was with a recruiter who felt confident that he had plenty of jobs for me, and I only had to pick the one I liked best. Which, as it were, I wish he had been, because my job pays me in compliments and miniscule amounts of attention.

We talked a lot about politics and how he had worked on a Democratic local election campaign. And we talked about trends in online media and the way marketing and demographic information can be researched and to what purpose such information can be used to drive business. We talked about the City community on a local level and the complexities of hyper-localization. I felt like I was using everything I learned in my undergrad Econ classes with this man, and it made me feel smart in a non-geeky way. Wow!

But most importantly, this was the ABSOLUTE most amazing coffee I’ve ever had. Let me tell you about this place: They don’t make lattes or mochas. No, they have phenomenal coffee. You pick which kind you want out of several buckets of freshly roasted beans, and they grind it to the finest possible grind, Turkish. Then they stick it in this little filter-station-thing. So there’s a paper filter over what looks like something out of Bill Nye’s lab, and they pour 190 degree water over it. Once all the water has seeped through, they grab the beaker-thing and pour it into a paper cup from like 3 feet in the air. Then they pour it back into the beaker from like 3 feet, and back and forth until everything’s all blended and there’s this adorable froth on top of the brew. Amazing. Only problem was, after the experiment ended, I had to walk up a fairly decent incline, and the INTENSE caffeine that I had previously drank combined with mild resistance produced a heart rate of easily 360. Seriously. I thought my cardiovascular system was going to jump out of my body and go for a jog without me.

By the end of the Experiment I was starving, having not eaten since lunch. Also, I felt a bit like the squirrel in the scene from Over the Hedge where he drinks some caffeine:

Results (the good, the bad, and the ugly): I felt totally comfortable talking to this Subject. And he gave me some really sound advice about job hunting, which I’m inclined to try. I almost wish I had a slightly more entrepreneurial attitude so he and I could start the next best Fortune 500 company. DBEID FTW?

Conclusion (overall rating): Great coffee, stimulating conversation. Pretty cute looking dude, too. Nothing at all like a somber communist from the ’50s. I give it a 7.5.